Recently, I got a comment on one of my posts and it got me thinking. The post was a little about not opening up and the commentator was sympathetic enough to acknowledge that there are times when one wants to keep things bottled up and not share but also suggested that it had the potential of doing more harm than good. I totally agree.
I have been guilty of both, prodding friends to the point of driving them crazy to know what ails them and also of bottling up to the extent of being called selfish, secretive, and unreachable. Now, I am usually an outgoing and very open person, to the extent of wearing my heart on my sleeve, especially when I feel strongly about something, be it a feeling, issue or person. I am not outspoken to be labelled rude but I can laugh, cry and get angry very easily, ask Shubham and my students. Yet, I have been called insensitive to others concerns and blamed for not sharing. So, the question is why don’t we open up when faced with adversity or when we are in pain or unhappy with the turn of events?
There are many reasons for not being able to share. Sometimes the enormity of the event is such that one is unable to fathom how to express what s/he is feeling or even to come to terms with it. At times no words and no amount of caring is good enough. The gravity of the loss and accompanying pain is such that it takes time to heal and people prefer to avoid talking about it. They need to take their time to come out of it.
Sometimes people feel that it’s better to keep things inside than be misunderstood. There’s a fear of being judged, laughed upon, blamed and many other real or made up fears in the mind. Then there are people who have experienced betrayal and are not sure about opening up to others. They are afraid of being used again. And some just don’t have the courage to open up or face the consequences. They live in a bubble of denial to feel safe.
Lastly, there are people who believe that keeping silent is the best way to ward off inquisitiveness. They feel that the concern of people in their matters is unwarranted and cut off for so long that people just stop being concerned about them.
There can be any of these reasons for me too to not open up at any given time but it is also because I feel that it is the victory that is to be shared; one has to slay the demons alone because no one can fight your battle.