“I am done with you, I am through. I cannot continue to live here and pretend to be in love with you. You are plain, and boring. I am leaving you.” The words flew like hot lava and singed her to the core. More lava flew her way but she did not feel any of it; all that she could blurt out was, “But I am madly in love with you.” “Love! Huh! It is not love; it is madness. You are obsessed. You are mad, a borderline.” saying this he lifted his suitcase and left.
“Borderline! Borderline!” That one thing stung like a scorpion and scorched her soul. So, her love, devotion, and nurture were a disorder, a madness. She was numbed by the allegation or was it a declaration? All thirty-eight years of her life flashed before her. Yes, there was no denying. She had been a borderline all her life, always missing the expected narrowly, almost there yet not there.
She was the perfect daughter and much loved; yet it was her brother who was doted upon. His uniform was a priority, so was polishing his shoes or the covering of notebooks for the new academic session, even the birthday celebration, his was a grand party, hers a homely affair. She was the first born but he was the heir apparent.
The teachers would say, year after year, that she was intelligent, had the potential, was a contender for the school rank but never actually went on to claim what she could, content being on the margins like a secondary citizen. She always wanted to be a doctor but missed the seat narrowly. She was surprised that nobody was upset or bothered by her failure, little did she know that her future or career was not as big a priority as that of her brother and that one failed attempt was the end of her dreams of ever flaunting a stethoscope.
Life went on, she grew up and found love as it should be – selfless and pure. But then, when has a love story ever become a success? Just when she was about to hold happiness with both her hands their paths diverged, the travellers went their separate ways with memories that left a glowing pain in her heart. She made her peace once again, content to play the hand that was dealt to her. Besides, she was never ambitious enough to fight for what she wanted and found happiness in whatever came her way.
And then he came into her life with big promises and even bigger dreams. She was dazed and dazzled, all starry eyed, she was swept by the whirlwind. She gave her all, not that she had much to give but whatever she had was all his. His happiness became her happiness, his worries became hers, his dreams were what she dreamt. He quit his job to pursue his dreams, unquestioningly she went to find work, happy to be of help. He told her to stop working; he needed her and she obliged happily, forgetting all about her plans, her position, her achievements.
She was the putty to be moulded and shaped as needed, equally lifeless since her emotions did not matter much. Why? Because she did not have any, all she understood was the gleam in his eyes and it reflected, reverberated in her and that was her life, her emotion, her happiness. She did not have a dream to call her own, no aspiration, she knew not any emotion other than the ones she saw in him. She was just a reflection of him, his emotions, his interests. She was madly in love with him and the madness blinded her to her needs, feelings, desires, wishes.
She was a living, breathing creature who never realised that she was as lifeless as a machine who moved, made noise and felt that she had a freewill and acted as she pleased. The master controlled her actions by fuelling her misconceptions and told her how alive she was till she served his purpose. Today, he had found a new machine and hence she had become redundant. She pitied the new girl in her husband’s life. She was no longer angry. She was glad to realise that she was free and no more a machine.
Her Biology teacher’s words echoed in her head, “Viruses are the borderline between the living and non-living. They can stay in a crystallized state for years and come alive when they find a host.” She could not have a crystallized life anymore. She had to get up and do something, find something to thrive upon. She needed to be a living being again. And then it struck her- she was not a virus but a chrysalis!

7 Comments Add yours

    1. A. Shruti says:

      Thank you very much. Appreciate it a lot πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Mark Ryan says:

        It’s a good post, so thank you!

        Liked by 2 people

  1. kimraypoet says:

    Loved the ending! Empowering.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. A. Shruti says:

      Thank you very much for taking time out and reading. Appreciate it!

      Liked by 1 person

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